I have to admit that I used to think that mothers of babies with colic were exaggerating. I mean, all babies cry right? I thought maybe they were just easily overwhelmed or didn't tolerate crying well. How could a baby cry inconsolably for hours on end?
I have now learned first hand that yes, in fact some babies will cry for hours at a time and sometimes NOTHING will soothe them. One night she cried for SIX HOURS. There is nothing more disheartening as a mother (or father) than to hear your child cry and not be able to help them. We tried just about everything out there for "fussy babies". The thing about Aubrey was nothing consistently worked. Sometimes one thing would work for a little while and then later we would have to try something new. Here are a few tricks that I learned. Each baby is different and some, all or none of these things may work for you, but here are the things that worked (and didn't work) for us.
There are a lot of reasons why babies cry. We learned very early on that Aubrey has pretty bad Gastric Reflux. A lot of babies have reflux and don't need any treatment at all, but my girls have both needed medication. They both had trouble growing because they spit up so much. We were kind of at an advantage when it came to "reflux tricks" because Ella had it too, but to a lesser degree than Aubrey does. This girl spits up fountains sometimes. One day during one hour we counted TEN TIMES that she spit up. Her clothes get soaked and then she gets mad because she's cold.
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| We use A LOT of burp cloths! |
The first thing that we do is we almost always keep her upright. Very rarely is she lying flat. This prevents some of the pressure on the esophageal sphincter and in theory decreases some of the spitting up. Ella slept in her swing, Aubrey sleeps in her car seat or in someone's arms. Now at almost 6 months she will sleep for a couple of hours at a time strapped in her car seat.
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| She slept in her carseat in the bassinet (if she would sleep at all). |
At the beginning we were using Mylicon drops after each feeding. They work by breaking up some of that gas that babies sometimes can't pass on their own. For a while we were using two reflux medications, Zantac and Prevacid and we would sometimes use Maalox in between. Now we just use Prevacid every day and occasionally Maalox. We went to see a GI specialist who told us what Aubrey could take after he ruled out some other things. **PLEASE don't give ANYTHING to your baby until you talk to your pediatrician. Babies are so small that any medication could be very harmful to them. Drugs don't always metabolize the same way in babies and a lot of things are not recommended for infants, so it is incredibly important that you don't give them anything without discussing it with your doctor.**
I read every article that I could find out there about "colicky babies", "fussy babies" and "babies with reflux". They suggested we try motion. We tried not one, not two, but THREE swings. We paid quite a lot for one that was specially made for colicky babies called the
Mamaroo. It has about six different motions that mimic mom's movements, a white noise machine and an mp3 docking station. It got a lot of great reviews so I thought it was worth a shot. Aubrey was N.O.T. I.M.P.R.E.S.S.E.D. The Mamaroo is now a $200 white noise maker. We did find one that works pretty well, the
Fisher Price Cradle n Swing.
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| The Mamaroo |
I spent many many hours dancing and jumping and swaying around the living room in the middle of the night (and during the day because she was fussy almost all of the time). I lost a lot of weight quickly because I rarely sat down!
They said try white noise, turn the vacuum on or put baby by the dryer. Aubrey was not impressed with the dryer or the vacuum, but would quiet down when I used my hair dryer. It's really not practical to constantly use the hair dryer, nor is it really very good for their little ears. Now, as mentioned above, we use the noisemaker on the Mamaroo and strap her in the car seat. The other thing that worked remarkably well when it was colder was placing her in her seat next to the radiator. I will admit that I had times when I turned up the heat just so that she would sleep :)
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| I found the radiator to have magical powers |
We tried swaddling her. That worked sometimes, but we usually had to be holding her belly very tightly along with the swaddling. One thing that worked fairly well was holding her upright on my knee, supporting her head and chin and patting her back while bouncing my knee. I watched many an episode of "Chopped" on Hulu while doing this little maneuver.
Sometimes I would wear her in one of my slings. She liked it (sometimes) and I got to get some work done. Some moms can nurse using the sling. We're still trying to perfect that.
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| Three of my slings, the blue one is a ring sling, the patterned is a Hotsling, and the black one is a Moby. The Moby is probably my favorite because it's stretchy and I can make it pretty tight. |
Another thing I would try sometimes when I was desperate in the middle of the night was giving her a bath. She liked it during the bath, but would start screaming again immediately after I took her out of the water.
One thing that I found was that she was sensitive to dairy. I don't think she is truly allergic. She never had blood in her diapers, rashes, vomiting or anything else like that. However, I did certainly see a correlation between my consuming dairy products and her screaming. I am just now starting to very gradually test the waters again. She has done pretty well, so I am hoping we are nearing the end of that phase.
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| I never knew how many dishes contained dairy! I miss cheese and ice cream the most! |
I had always said "I am never going to put my baby in front of a TV. That is just lazy!" Ella never really watched TV until she was about 2 and even then I really tried to limit it. This one really enjoys the television or anything moving on the computer. I felt guilty at first putting her in the swing and turning on "Moose Tunes" or "Praise Baby" (thank you a MILLION times Jill for that DVD). However I soon realized that I could actually get things done for 15 or 30 minutes at a time, like bathing or playing with Ella and then had to be reminded by my wonderful husband that I was holding, wearing, or sleeping right next to her for the rest of the day. She was going to survive and her brain was not going to turn to mush. :)
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| This is our favorite swing |
Every day has been better than the one before. At one month I just cried thinking I can't do this for 2-5 more months! I don't have the energy! I would get frustrated because I would see babies younger than her on a schedule or sleeping much better. Being tired makes everything amplified.
I learned a few things:
1) God really isn't going to give you more than you can handle, even if it truly feels like it!
2) In the midst of it all I didn't even realize how tired I was. I look back now and wonder how I was even functioning.
3) I learned how to give myself some grace, something I am NOT good at all. I want to do everything, and do it well! Sometimes you just can't and I painfully learned to be OK with that.
4) I saw God in all of the people around me. Our small group was so patient, kind and helpful. That was really important with our families so far away. My mom and dad get a special shout out. We took several trips home while she was so bad and they were so incredibly patient and would take Aubrey so I could catch a little sleep. My friend Sarah did the same when we visited her in Kansas. She had three of her own girls to tend to, but would watch mine so I could sleep an hour or two. One of the most powerful things to me during this time and even now, was my Dad writing to me in a note, "Please know that when you are having a bad day, we are here praying for you." The one that surprised me most and made my heart the most happy was Ella. She is so patient, kind and loving to her sister, even when she is screaming her head off.
5) The baby that I thought was never going to calm down is now a generally happy baby. She still cries, but all babies cry. The difference is it is not a high pitched, clawing at whoever is holding her, arching her back kind of cry. Now she cries when she needs something. I can handle that!
6) I can't compare my situation with anyone else's. Every baby and every family is unique. Everyone is going to meet milestones at different times, and that's OK.
In some asian cultures families celebrate their baby's 100th day. Jimmie and I said if we made it to 100 days and everyone was still alive and sane we would have a party. Aubrey's 100th day happened to fall on a Friday, the day that we meet for small group. Our small group very graciously humored us and we had a little "100 Days" party.
The "spread" for our 100 Days Party. I may have gone a little overboard, but we were just so happy we made it that far we wanted to celebrate!
I don't know if this was helpful to anyone else, but I would surely hope that I can at least pass on a little of what I learned so maybe something that worked for me will help someone else out! If you are reading this in the middle of the night while your baby is clawing at you and you have tried everything and you feel like you can't go on, be encouraged that it does get better. Try to take care of yourself as much as you can. Pass the baby off to someone else, even if it is just to go for a walk by yourself for a little while. Sometimes those few minutes can be exactly what you need to recharge and be ready to give everything to that tiny little person. Even though right now it might seem like an eternity away, not too far down the road that tiny little person is going to start smiling and cooing and giggling at you. Though you most definitely will not forget the months before you will be able to look ahead with some hope and realize "wow, you are so special and I am so glad I get to share this life with you."
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